Before we get to the Week 3 picks, we need to talk about Week 2 -- And when I say we need to talk about Week 2, I specifically mean we need to talk about the quarterbacks who almost died in Week 2, like Jay Cutler.
Cutler's reaction to that hit, "I felt like my chest hit my backbone."
You know who else had their chest hit their backbone in Week 2? Cardinals quarterback Drew Stanton.
You know what Stanton and Cutler have in common? They both won. There's definitely a lesson be learned here, I'm not sure what that lesson is, but I think it has something to do with 'What doesn't kill you will only make you stronger.'
Anyway, lets stop talking about life lessons and talk about something more important like who's going to win in Week 3.
First, if you want to make fun of me for all of the wrong picks I made last week -- and why wouldn't you -- you can do that in the comment section or on Twitter. I mean seriously, I picked Jacksonville to win on the road, I deserve to be mocked. It was the 20-cent tip of picks. On the other hand, if you don't really care about NFL picks and you're just here because you were hoping I'd link to a picture of a cat wearing an Arizona Cardinals jersey, well, you're in luck.
Finally, you can check out the weekly picks from every CBSSports.com NFL expert here.
Now let's get to the picks.
Week 3 Picks
Dallas (1-1) at St. Louis (1-1), 1 p.m. ET: It's Michael Sam's old team vs. Michael Sam's new team and that would be the storyline in this game if Michael Sam was playing, but he's not, so the new storyline is 'Will there be more Michael Sam jerseys, Austin Davis jerseys or Shaun Hill jerseys at this game?' My guess is Sam because I'm not entirely convinced anyone owns a Davis or Hill jersey. The other reason my guess is Sam is because I think 19 percent of everyone in America bought Sam's Rams jersey after he was drafted in May. Cowboys 24-17 over Rams.
San Diego (1-1) at Buffalo (2-0), 1 p.m. ET: These two teams should just decide to make this a 'Loser Moves to Los Angeles' game. Actually, that would be a bad idea because Terry Pegula just bought the Bills and he's going to keep them in Buffalo. Also, if the loser really had to move to Los Angeles, I think Chargers owner Alex Spanos would just have his team forfeit. Anyway, this is one of the most intriguing games of the week and after Sunday, we might have to start taking the Bills seriously. Bills 20-16 over Chargers.
Washington (1-1) at Philadelphia (2-0), 1 p.m. ET: The first annual DeSean Jackson revenge game is going to be worth watching on Sunday and not just because it's the first annual DeSean Jackson revenge game. For one, you'll likely get to see the Eagles fall behind by at least 14 points, something they've done in both games so far. After that, you'll probably see the Eagles comeback. Also, as a bonus, you get to see Kirk Cousins make his fifth career start. If you watched Andy Dalton play in Cincinnati, then you know what Jay Gruden can do with a pocket passer. If you didn't watch Dalton play in Cincinnati, well, he won a lot games with Gruden. Just not playoff games. Cousins might end up being a great fit for Gruden's offense. Redskins 27-24 over Eagles.
Denver (2-0) at Seattle (1-1), 4:25 p.m. ET: Every time I try and decide who I'm going to pick to win this game, I think back to Seattle's 43-8 Super Bowl win and ask myself, "Are the Broncos 35-points better than they were in Super Bowl XLVIII?" The short answer to that question is 'No.' The long answer to that question is also 'No.' And even if the Broncos were 35-points better, it wouldn't even be good enough because they'd have to be like 50-points better to win in Seattle, where the Seahawks haven't lost to an AFC team since October 2011. Seahawks 31-27 over Broncos.
Pittsburgh (1-1) at Carolina (2-0), 8:30 p.m. ET: The last time the Panthers started 3-0 was back in 2003 and the only thing standing in their way this year is the Steelers. In the past six quarters of football, the Steelers offense has only put up nine points and the team has been outscored 50-9 overall. It's hard to imagine things getting any easier for the Steelers offense, which will have to go up against a Carolina defense that's ranked fifth in the league and managed to shut down the Lions offense without Greg Hardy in the lineup. Panthers 23-20 over Steelers.
Week 3 picks: All the rest
Falcons 27-17 over Buccaneers
Packers 34-30 over Lions
49ers 20-13 over Cardinals
Last week
Best pick: Last week was so bad that my best pick was a wrong pick. I predicted that the final score of the Eagles-Colts game would be 30-27. The final score of the Eagles-Colts game was 30-27. The only problem here is that I picked the Colts to win and the Colts definitely didn't win.
The most amazing thing about the Eagles victory is that Cody Parkey was able to hit the game-winning field goal even though Blue the Colt was flashing him before the kick. Have you ever tried to hit a field goal when a mascot is showing you its goods? It's not easy.
Worst pick: Every pick last week was my worst pick, but there's only one pick I'm actually embarrassed about and that was picking Jacksonville to win -- on the road. Generally, the first rule of picking NFL games is 'Don't ever pick Jacksonville to win.' The second rule is 'Don't pick Jacksonville to win on the road.' And the third rule is 'Don't listen to Justin Bieber songs while making your picks.' I broke all three rules last week.
Straight up: 6-10
SU Overall: 16-16
Against the spread: 5-11
ATS Overall: 11-21
