Hey, look, it’s Satan’s Car Loan!
Hey, look, it’s Satan’s Car Loan! (USATSI)

In the service of no discernible purpose save for pacifying his most lamentable instincts, this scribe is going to make anagrams out of the world-champion Indians' projected lineup for 2016.

What's an anagram, you (probably don't) ask? This sports-action definition should help ...

So we're taking the names of the players in Cleveland's likely 2016 lineup and rearranging the letters of those names to make different words. That's what we're doing. The motivation for this is the absence of motivation itself. Here goes almost literally nothing ...

1. O.P. Ninja-Kiss; 2B

2. Idris Corn Falcon; SS

3. Lil' Cheery Batman; LF

4. Satan's Car Loan; DH

5. Gas Money; C

6. Pa Lime Oink; 1B

7. Lance Hellion-Shin; RF

8. Iguana Horns Levy; 3B

9. Baron Ham Tamale; CF

And so it is done. The names in the Indians' likely 2016 lineup have been manipulated to yield other, different words. No, the left fielder in question won't be healthy to start the season, but he's here mostly because, well, Lil' Cheery Batman. 

How is this news? How indeed. People, there is no baseball today.

Previous, similarly important anagram lineups: NYY | BOS | TOR | BAL | TB | NYM | WAS | PHIATL | MIA | KC